Classics

I believe that if there was ever a book or series to read to the young, it would be these:  Little Women, Little House on the Prairie and Anne of Green Gables.

How does one instill the solid values of the past into the fast pace of today, into the right now?

When my world is going too fast, when i am feeling stressed, i find myself sitting down and read, or watch, these three classics.  Sure, there are obviously huge and giant leaps we have made for the good, and the better, but are they all really that much better?  Medicine has gained leaps and bounds on helping the sick and finding cures everyday.  Women have equal rights, homosexuals can marry their loves without hesitation, and we can raise our children with the mindset that they can conquer the world, if their hearts desire.

My point is to not look at the big, wonderful steps we have taken in the past century, but to look at what may have been pushed aside while progressing forward.  To dig in and see what values and lifestyles have been forgotten.  Oh yes, i was that women, that lady with drive to make it big in a mostly male profession.  I was going to work long, hard hours, working my way up and being as successful as i could.  Going into college i believed that if i could just make a lot of money in life, the rest would follow.  Boy was i wrong. 

I have proven to myself, and my loved ones, that i am capable and can do a terrific job.  I am a construction estimator in a very large company.  95% of my colleagues are men, they respect my decisions and drive.  I work my tail off, i make great money, i am successful and see myself moving up in the company.  There are days that i love my job.  I love the people i work with.  I love the numbers racing around in my head.  I thrive on the stress of the construction industry.   Yet recently, more days than not, i am thinking of this other lifestyle.  This place where my drive and energy is spent at home, with my love, owning a farm and raising our future children. 

As we grow, we change and evolve.  We see what is most important in life and enjoy simple pleasures.  I don't need fancy vacations or big expensive jewelry plastered all over me.  What i need is my husband by my side and our home to be a safe and happy one.  What i am finding to be a hard reality, is that a typical American household cannot make it on one income.  Our economy is not set up that way anymore, unless one spouse makes a very good salary.  My husband and I together live very comfortably.  But if i were to stay home with our kids, I'm not sure we could even make ends meat.

Yet i don't think i am one to just be home with our kids, and not do anything else.  I am in love with photography, and am currently getting a lot of exposure around our community.  I want to go forward with that, as i will, and get to the point where that will be my profession. 

For right now, i am creating this old fashioned lifestyle at home.  I am trying to leave my work at the office, and concentrate on our family, at home. 

What i do love about these classics are the strong and imaginative women that play the lead roles.  Anne is fierce with desire, intelligent and witty.  She knows to always follow her heart, and to not be easily persuaded by others.  Joe is strong and cheerful.  She pushed her way forward and made her name standout in a time when women were not writers.  And Laura, Laura is determined, inquisitive and passionate about her family and profession.  I enjoy that they all overcame in a time when women did not have equal rights.  I love that they all followed their hearts home, while always appreciating the beauty of a day, the heart and values of a family and the passion of their work.  All three, writers and dreamers. 

We were over to my husband's grandparent's for breakfast last Sunday.  One point that stuck out in our conversation was, "do not farm your children out, raise them at home, keep them close when they are young, and teach them values and love." 

Precisely.

What we'll have to learn, when we become parents, is how to do this with only one parent home part time.  I don't want my children to wake up every morning in a hurry to get out the door.  I want to let them have the time to eat a good homemade breakfast, to explore our woods and fields.  To let them have the space and time to use their imaginations to the fullest.  I want to inspire them and make sure they feel safe and loved at home.  I want them to have good values and morals.  I want to hear all of their ideas and passions. I want let them know that there is not one way or one path that they have to follow, but many. 

I want to raise my children.

When i get nervous thinking about the future, i just have to take a deep breath, and realize that we will be there for our children.  Everything will work out as it is supposed to, and we will be focused on creating these simple, special values within them. 

If they are in another person's care all day, we will bring them home, make dinner together from scratch (sometimes), bake some bread in our cook stove and finally sit down to read Little House on the Prairie, Anne of Green Gables and Little Women.  We will show them that this world has so many options and paths, but to always follow their hearts, to appreciate the beauty of a summers day, and an evening autumn walk in the fields.  We will show them that the most important things in life are to be happy, loved and safe.  We will encourage their imaginations to run wild, and to let them mature on their own clock, at their own pace. 

We will love them, and show them what love is. 

And that, i believe, is all they will need to be strong and happy. 

That, i believe, will make our lives rich.

We Drove to the Mountains

We drove to the mountains, just him and I,

Cherishing our time alone.

We drove up through the Notch and reflected on the seasons beauty.

We bumped up and down, around a bend, in that beat up old truck.

We acted as if we were dating again, enjoying eachothers company,

while acting like kids.

We crossed the state line into Vermont,

and i felt my heart explode.

We held hands and told tales from our absense of eachother,

catching up and laughing as the sun was setting.

We took in the beauty of this gorgeous place we call home. 

The colors changing from greens to oranges, reds and magnificent yellows.

We had dinner on the way home, still soaking in the mountainous views.

It was late September when we finally caught our breath.

It was Late September when our schedules finally meshed.

It was late September when we were able to reconnect.

He drove us home, in that rusty old work truck, bouncing our way down the road.

My head on his shoulder, the radio never turned on.

The sounds of my sleepy breath echoing our peace.

We drove to the mountains,

Just my husband and I.

Cherising our Love.

Tomato Sauce : : Harvest

Disclaimer: This post was started like three weeks ago, so all the writing and photos below are from that time frame!  My thyroid has been removed, i am finally on the recovery side of this and am feeling SO much better!  Thanks for all the thoughts and well wishes during this time.  I am now feeling inspired again to write some blog posts up, so stay tuned, I'm back!!!

Anyways, onto the Tomato Sauce::

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My days at home have been flowing seamlessly from one to the next, without much thought or notice.  I have been waking up early, eager to get to my reading/crafting/writing/cooking or baking.  I have been eating breakfast early, which is unusual to usual routine.  I try to stay busy all morning, have my lunch around 1pm, and then rest for a few hours before i start dinner.  It's such a wonderful schedule.  We all know, and I'm not going to preach, that Americans work too hard, too long.  We should all strive to get into the groove of working 6-7 hours a day.  It is lovely.

Yesterday i babysat our good friend's four month old for the morning, cherishing her babyhood, while i held her during her nap, instead of putting her down.  Then i went to visit my friend Jackie, who on Wednesday's watches her nieces, and brings her own little along.  So i would say it was quite the baby filled day.  For anyone that knows me well, they will know how much i adore children and babies.  It was a fun, but full day, which i am not used to right now, therefore hubs and i fell asleep around 8:00 last night. 

 I am loving these days of rest and peace.  Today I stayed home.  I dug the tomatoes out of the freezer, waiting for a day like this.  At harvest time, i simply blanched and peeled the tomatoes, so they would be ready to go when i had the time to make my sauce. 

: :  First i laid the bags on the counter to thaw out for a few hours.  I also took out a few bags of green peppers to mix in the sauce.

: :  Then i waited.  And waited. 

And

Waited some more.

Then it was dinnertime, and no sauce was to be made that day. 

*note to self: next year, take the tomatoes out of the freezer the day before you plan to cook. (ahem).

Fast forward to Saturday (two days later)

: : Once the tomatoes were properly thawed out, i began my procedure.  First i chopped up my green peppers and 2 onions.  I placed them in the pots with some minced garlic and a few tablespoons butter to saute them for a few minutes.  Once the onions were soft and almost see-through, i started to add my bags of tomatoes.

: :  This year, since i am not making the sauce with freshly picked tomatoes, i ended up just dumping the whole tomatoes right in the pot without cutting up.  They were so soft that i figured they would break apart while they simmered.

: :  Last year, i did not add tomato paste, which i should have.  Every time we used a jar of sauce over the winter, i had to add a little 5oz can of paste to thicken it up.  So this year, i used 3 cans of tomato paste, 18oz each.  I bought organic paste, to ensure this sauce would still remain without any trace of chemicals.

: :  Then came the spices:  Rosemary, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, salt and sugar.  I really just put in the amounts that i thought were right, so i don't have exact measurements here.

: :  Once i mixed the paste in, i brought the pots to a boil, stirring consistently.  When they began to thicken up, i put the burners on low, and let simmer for 3.5 to 4 hours.

: :  The last step, before putting my jars in the pressure canner, is to add a dash of lemon juice.  It is my understanding that homegrown tomatoes are high enough in their acid content, but i add in a bit of lemon juice, just to be sure.

My Yields:  

5 Gallon Sized bags of peeled garden tomatoes

2 quart sized bags of sliced green peppers

2 large onions

3 18 oz. cans of Tomato Paste

Seasonings

= 1 Quart, 15 pints and 1 pint not quite full to the top!

Now I'll see how long this sauce lasts, and edit next year to make sure i bag enough tomatoes during harvest season.  I must say that i really enjoyed making the sauce a few months after the rush of the canning had been done.  The tomatoes, that i didn't chop at all, came apart beautifully as they cooked down.  We used our first jar of sauce on a homemade pizza one night, and a pasta dish the next.  It was just the right consistency, which made all the difference! 

Now looking forward to tasting this delicious sauce all winter long.

Plans and Our Path

What is normal?  How does one define it?  I suppose some define it as everything going as planned, smooth sailing, secure, happy and you fit in with the Jone's (who the hell are the Jone's??).  Maybe that is idealistic.  Or maybe normal is, in fact, your life.  Strings that tie one experience to the next exciting thrill, with a low point mixed in.   As adults, we know that life is not all good times.  We know that hardships happen, and loved ones get sick.  We know that as much as we can pray and wish and hope and dream that things will be smooth, there will always come a time when you're riding that sled down the hill, laughing and knowing everything is perfect....and bam....... you just hit that f***ing tree.

My tree was big and tall and strong.  My tree took me by my arms and shook me around a bit. 

I was hesitant on sharing this story here, but i have to.  This is now a part of me, so i have to be able to express my thoughts going forward.  I was admitted to the Hospital on October 16th.  In the early morning hours, i was experiencing shortness of breath and nausea.  I was shaking all over.  My husband got me dressed and brought me to the ER.  They checked me right in (luckily the waiting room was vacant), and within minutes i had all sorts of wires and a EKG machine hooked up to me.  The doctors and nurses calmly chatted with me, while they rushed around, trying to pretend things weren't serious.  

I remember my husband being more worried than i have ever seen him.  I remember him asking all of the right questions, while i joked around trying to get the nurses to give me a drink of water, i was so damn thirsty.  I remember them putting defibrillator pads on my chest and back, and seeing my husband sit calmly, but more aware.  I remember them putting medicine into my iv that made my heart stop, my body clench, my throat tighten, and my breath nonexistent.  It lasted three seconds, and they put that medicine in me three times.  I remember crying from fright and the feeling like horse kicked me in the chest.  I remember the Kleenex box Jason had, and how he wiped my tears. 

I remember the doctor saying that the medicine didn't work, to slow my heart down.  I was still beating at 170 BPM.  A young nurse came in and drew some blood.  The doctor asked if i was pregnant.  Jason  said we were not sure, but i could be, we hadn't taken a test yet.  We were trying to have a baby.  The doctor nodded and walked away. 

We had to wait ten minutes for the cardiologist to come and look at my heart monitor, Jason stepped out of the room to call my parents and our work.  All i could think about was how thirsty i was and nobody was helping me out with any water!  Jason said i was funny in the ER, like i didn't really get how severe this was.  I was probably out of it, with my heart racing a marathon and all.

So the cardiologist came in, examined my monitor reports, and said that my heart is not the problem, and is perfectly healthy.  Thank god!!  At that point, my first doctor came back in and said the blood tests relieved that i had hyperthyroidism.  And i had a severe case of it.  On his way out, he turned around and said:

Doctor:  Oh, and you're not pregnant.  (quickly rushes out)

Me:  Well thank god!  Who knows what drugs they have been pumping through me!

Hubs:  Huni-  look at all these machines hooked up to you!  Look at you're heart going nuts!  Thank god they took those defibrillator pads off.  I'm so glad those are gone.  phew.  I'm going to call you're parents again.

Me:  I'm really, really thirsty.  I'm sad we're not pregnant.

Hubs: Huni, you just said you were happy we weren't! 

And so it went.

I spent the night in the hospital with hubs by my side, while they monitored my heart and got the rate down to 110 when i was discharged the next day.  Over the next few days, i met with the endocrinology specialist, in which case he determined that i have Grave's Disease, which is caused by my hyperthyroid.  There are three ways to get the thyroid under control, but he suggested in my case, to have surgery and remove the whole thyroid.

Super.

I am home until the surgery and i recover, choking down 15 pills a day.  After talking over all of our options, this seemed like the safest way for us to still have a family, and for my long term health.  Once the thyroid is removed, i will just take one hormone pill a day, for the rest of my life.

It seems like once the thyroid is out, it will be one of those diseases that i forget i have.  It will not be apparent and will not interrupt my life, our life.  The dotor told me that it is the type of disease you will die with and not from.  Which is a neat way of thinking about it. 

And really, so, so many people have a thyroid problem, and they are living happy, normal lives. 

My new normal is pretty damn close to my old normal.  I know for sure I'm not pregnant (and can't be until they adjust my hormone pills after the surgery), so i can have a glass of pinot noir with dinner and a pumpkin beer on the weekends.  Right now, i can't let my heart rate get too high, so my love takes me on drives and we sight-see.  Or we goes on four wheeler rides, so i can get out into the woods. 

I am feeling lighthearted to the fact that we just missed the danger of Sandy.  My heart goes out to those whose home was flooded, and life flipped upside down.  I still have a roof over my head, a warm stove heating the house and fresh food on the table.  We are so lucky.

Right now i am enjoying having the time to take an afternoon nap, and to bake some fresh bread for the week ahead.  I am realizing that you can't take even one day for granted, and that this life really is pretty awesome.

I am reflecting and feeling grateful that we did not get pregnant, so that i can get my body back to normal before i have a life inside me.  I am imagining giving birth in a different season that we had planned out just right, and falling in love with a new journey, a new idea.

We are watching fall become winter and enjoying using our cookstove once again.

And finally, i am helping hubs chop down that tree, to fuel our fire. 

I am alive, I am well and I am happy.

All is right in in our world.

This is Halloween, This is Halloween

Halloween. 

A time to escape your reality and replace it with sugar, imagination and something or someone else you would like to be for an evening.  It involves dressing up your kids in cute little costumes and showing them off around town.  As they grow older, they will pick out their own costumes and you will try your hardest as a mama to make their outfits shine.

Growing up on the mountain, my mom would stay home to hand out candy while my dad would pile us in the van and we'd drive from door to door.  We usually did it with another family, and sometimes all in the same van.  I remember that Halloween when i couldn't decide if i wanted to be a princess or a ghost.  So my parents did what most parents wouldn't do and let me change half way through our night.  The princess dress from neat repeats was hemmed up, but i still tripped on it.  At one of the final houses, when i was getting tired, my brother actually carried me to the door.  Then the ghost sheet was falling off me, and i was tripping on that too, but it was great.  Its actually one of the only Halloweens i remember clearly. 

No matter how the night went, when we got home, my brothers and i would dump our loot on the living room floor, while my parents tried to sneak some of their favorites.  We carved our pumpkins on the eve of Halloween, or as we called it, cabage night.  As we grew, this night became a big event for our hamlet in the mountains.  Almost all of the kids and dad's participated.  We would stock up on toilet paper and flashlights.  We ran in the dark getting other houses.  One year, when my brothers deamed me old enough to participate, i got to stay home and be on watch to make sure no one toilet papered our house.  I was so proud of this position in the night.  I had my little tykes mega phone and litterly did laps around the house to keep a good eye out.  If i spotted someone, i would yell to my brothers.  The dew was wet on the ground and porch.  A sound frightened me in the back woods.  I ran away from it as fast as i could, around the house, up the steps and down on my nose.  I hit the steps just right, to slip and fall with the bridge of my nose breaking my fall on the third step. 

I didn't end up breaking it, but i did pass out for a bit and i believe there was some vomit involved.  When i woke up in my bed, i was sad that i let my brothers down.  They came home after hearing threats of the cops (oops!) and told me i did a great job.  My brothers rock. 

When cabbage night comes around, the next best part is the morning after.  Waking up to see if your trees are covered in white.  Driving around the neighborhood, seeing the damage you did to other peoples trees.  It was a glorious time, growing up on the mountain.

So here i sit, on All Hallow's Evening, enjoying greating the trick or treater's at the door with smiles on their faces, and warmth in my heart.  Time goes on and children grow before our very eyes.  Now i am my mother, handing out the candy.  Now i am remembering these experiences and traditions that made up my childhood. 

I smile as my husband and I watch The Nightmare Before Christmas, excited for Halloween ourselves.

I remember how i didn't want to stop trick or treating when everyone my age did.  I remember crying to my mother of how mad i was that i had to grow up.  I remember playing and using my imagination longer than my peers.  I remember how my parents didn't stop me, but more importantly how they encouraged me to stay young and do what makes me happy.

My parents laid down a foundation of family life that i can't wait to create with my own little ones in the following years.  Memories that they will look back on with happiness and love for who they are and where they are from.

So now i'm off to finish my Pumpkinhead beer and settle in to celebrate this life and family i love.

Wishing you the happiest of Halloweens my friends!

Rich

I am a planner, a dreamer, a believer in the good, the happy and the glass is half full type of gal.  I'm sure most of that comes from growing up in a loving supportive home, but i think that other bit comes from being myself and loving the person i am.  

Sometimes my plans and dreams are not my reality just yet, and it frustrates me.  I come here, to this space, to hash it all out.  This space is my reflection on the good and the not so good.  Although i am worried of the future, i also know to be patient and that these things can't be rushed.  

But my reality right now?  It's awesome.  Its so awesome.  Lets not rush, to get to the next appointment, to run home and do the dishes, to quickly blog and take a photo.  I need to remind myself to savor this time in our journey.  To sleep in late and have spur of the moment road trips.  To take away a bit of that schedule i love, and replace it with life.   

This weekend was the good.  It was the pure, the rich life i love so, so much.

Saturday was the perfect fall day.

The air was crisp.  The chopped wood filled the air with that fresh cut sent.  Oh how i love that smell.  

That smell of autumn.

Just a light breeze to dry my fresh laundry

A quick pass (or two) over the garden to make sure its nice and tilled.

To finally falling back into the groove of cooking and baking.  A fresh pound of bacon split between corn chowder and bacon, green pepper and onion quiche.

A loaf of Banana bread.......

to use up the three rotting banana's that were rounding up far too many fruit flies in the kitchen.

Pumpkin pie with homemade crust.  (The other half was used for the quiche!)

An afternoon rest just before the rain came.

Yes, these were picked a few weeks ago, but we finally got an area ready in the basement for carrots, potatoes and apples!

We made applesauce a few weekends back, it turned out amazing!  The first batch i only flavored with cinnamon.  The second, with cinnamon and syrup!

I also made some peanut butter cookies to pack in lunches this week.

The early morning haze over the fields surrounding our home.  It's quite cozy in the mornings, drinking coffee with my love, watching the fog lift and the sun rise.

This morning we woke early, had a bowl of cereal together with coffee.  Then headed over to the farm to put up some more syrup.  An hour after we were home, we had another customer, good timing!

This weekend was my favorite.  A whole lot of living with my husband.  An exuberant amount of laughter, which he knows i need right now.  A whole lot of love and conversation about the future and our life.  A pint of Ben & Jerry's mint chocolate cookie and a slice of pumpkin pie.  A lot of picture taking and editing.   Some baby sewing and a ton of baking.

Not a lot of driving and going, nor a lot of cleaning mind you..ahem...

But we did have a whole weekend full of life,

right here,

at home.