Under a thousand stars and one waning moon, we walked the day away.
His eyes followed the sliver of moon as we moved. He was uncomfortable and tired. Too tired for a bottle, too tired to put himself to sleep. Into the ergo he went and we slipped out the back door. A visit to the brook, to say goodnight. A blanket wrapped tightly around his bare legs. A walk through the blueberry bushes and peach trees. The sound of summer surrounding us. Crickets, peepers, filling the cool night air. After just one loop around the property, he looked up at the moon, taking it in again and then right at me. A full, beautiful smile filing his face as he remembered he was tucked tightly against his mama. His heart.
Soon after, his body relaxed and his nightly slumber began.
Between my fingertips, time is slipping through, no matter how tight i hold the grip. May and June. The months of flowers blooming, garden planting, warmth becoming the daily normal and strawberries beginning to turn a delicious red. I keep notes, snapshots of our days, our normal, in my mind. I think that i will hold onto how i felt, in that moment, forever. But i can't. I can hardly remember what the weight of his head felt like as we learned how to breastfeed together. How his little body slumped and flopped in the baby bathtub. How his legs curled up, tucked under his body, resting against my beating heart, always. We hear it daily from many parents with young children. "Time, slow down."
But the truth is, the month of June was hard. Liam had three double ear infections, resulting in many trips to the doctors, many sleepless nights, missed work and far too many antibiotics for his little body to handle. Husband, of course, had to work the night shift far from home for two weeks. I cried and laughed and pushed through. I held my baby and sang him to sleep while tears rolled down my tired cheeks. I called husband at 2:30am and regained some strength from him settling Liam (and me) by just his voice. I called in some reinforcements when i had to be on a bid call and Liam was just so sick and wanted to be held. So, for the past month, i have been hoping for tomorrow. Wishing for a better day. Praying for a healthy baby.
Time, move forward.
Liam has been getting more and more excited about food. He has always been a good eater, but over the past few weeks he has wanted whatever we are eating. It's fun to give him bits and pieces of our food, watching his face figure out the flavors, the textures. On sunday i made a batch of blueberry pancakes. With a touch of syrup on his flapjack, boy housed them.
Bath's have turned into splash, play time. His once current play space on the floor has expanded as he moves in circles, finding what he wants. Block towers are built and immediately knocked down with a squeal and smile. It's the best.
Time, stay right here, right now.
From delicately touching, learning the give and take of a grass blanket, to suddenly ripping and grabbing clovers and just as fast, handfuls of green filling his mouth, tasting. Always tasting. I've become good at the finger-hook-in mouth to dig out the unwanted bits.
Watching him grow and learn, well it's better than i ever expected.
Benefits of husband working in Maine, fresh lobster for dinner.
He fits perfectly on my hip. It's his favorite place to be. The extra weight i still carry around helps support his leg as he holds onto my shirt. As i continue to try to lose the rest of my pregnancy weight, i look at how amazing my body is. Thyroid-less body, you grew this amazing boy. You kept him nourished and thriving. You gave us this gift of becoming parents. The weight will come off. I'm not worried about it, especially as i'm still pumping for all of his milk needs. My body is still working for him, for his health. My body feels healthy and strong. If i never get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, i will still feel good. I still feel beautiful. I'm a happy wife and mother. I've got some happy guys that love me like no other.
So yes. I say yes to ice cream dates weekly. I say yes to bacon on Sundays. I say yes to evening walks and home workouts. I say yes to balance and salads and fresh strawberry pies.
I say yes to life.
His tongue is typically out. He just learned this cute little pout, that he thinks is hilarious. He screams when we buckle him in the high chair. Just one quick howl and then he's content to wait for his meal. Bottle feeding to sleep is coming to a close, as he puts himself to sleep in his crib more nights than not. Some nights he wakes regularly. Some nights it's nine hours straight, if he's feeling well.
Charlie has become the funniest dog in the world. When he walks by Liam, he will do a full body shake and Liam starts rolling with laughter. If he can get close enough, he'll pull all of the hair off Charlie's body. They are close now, i love it.
Summer meals have begun to retreat to the porch. The traffic driving by is watched with deliberate eyes. Twinkling eyes. His hands, face, hair and typically entire body are covered in bits of his meal. He laughs and smiles as we sing his favorite songs.
Everyday, i wake up eager to cuddle him, rock him as the morning sun falls softly into his room. While this season of life is hard at times, it's also the most rewarding. Coffee helps in the mornings. A good book helps in the evenings. Binge Netflix watching happens on the hardest nights. Easy conversation and shared love for our learning boy strengthens our marriage.
I'm content, happy, with today.
Tomorrow is welcome to come. Bringing more blessings than sorrows. More joy than tears.
And, hopefully, probably the most happiness and peace in our hearts.
Time, i'll see you in the morning. And i can't wait.
