Ramblings

I was on my usual drive home from work on Friday night, thinking about my week and what will be on my list next week, what we'll have for dinner, what sessions i have coming up, what i need to get done for Christmas and oh crap, my gas light is on…again…..i suddenly realized how full my life is.

I am crazy busy right now, but mostly busy with good stuff, full stuff.  Five years ago i longed to be exactly where i am today.  To be happily married, have a good job and a beautiful, cozy home.  To have a grown up life.  And now I'm pursuing this photography gig, and loving every second of it.  The families and babies and children i get to meet, it brings me so much joy, but also really digs into a creative outlet for me.

Sometimes i fear that i won't ever be able to do it full time.  That thought is now pushed aside and replaced with drive and passion.  The more light i put forth, the bigger my business will grow.  It's a tricky thing when your starting a business, wanting to say yes to every session, but also realizing that you still work 45 hours a week and need time to just be and do.

Then i think about adding a child into this mix of work and photography and suddenly my gas light is on again.  I think about the weekends i spend doing sessions and how i will not want to be away from my child on the weekends, if I've been at work all week.  So what's the point of building this business now, if I'm just going to put it on the back burner when we have a kid?  Then i take a breath and remember that everything works out just as it should.  For real.

We ventured out to our favorite little dinner spot last night to decompress.  The Italian Farmhouse is just 20 minutes north of our house.  The barn was lit with Christmas lights and candles in the windows with holiday music playing.  I felt so happy, laughing with my husband through easy conversation as we enjoyed the cozy winter farmhouse atmosphere with delicious wine and food.  

(This photo just cracks me up.  Asking him to pose for me)

I had four photo sessions today.  It was busy and fun and exactly what i wanted to be doing.  When i came home, i dropped my things, grabbed my pup and escaped to the woods.  Gone for an hour in the forest was just what i needed.

I've realized that boundaries and dreams are gracefully balanced on each other. 

And sometimes to reach those dreams, you have to push your boundaries, let go of fear and let your gas light shine.

Tomorrow is a me day, and I'm so looking forward to it.