Three Weeks In

At three weeks, we are still getting to know each other.  It's amazing how one small human can change so much while also bringing so much love into our home.  

He is a pretty content baby, when i eat responsibly :)  We have found that excess amounts of dairy or tomatoes do not agree with his little belly.  I love all things dairy, so i feel like cutting it out will be hard, but necessary.  Other than those two foods, breastfeeding has been going so well.  Being that he was a few weeks early, he had a hard time latching, so we have been using the nipple shield.  I love it, but it's also a bit of a pain.  He likes to yank it off and i always have to make sure it's ready to go for the next feed.  But really, i'm just glad that it helps me to breastfeed.  Every session we start by trying without it, and sometimes it works, so i know we are making progress.  He has been gaining weight like a champ, over an oz a day.  On wednesday he was 7 pounds 5 oz, a full pound over his birth weight.  I feel so good that he is getting enough from me, we just have to figure out this diet thing.  Sleep wise, he usually sleeps a bunch during the day.  Awake for a bit in the morning, taking a good 2 hour nap in the afternoon.  At night we go every 2.5 to 3 hours with one 4 hour stretch in there.  Surprisingly, i feel pretty rested most mornings, which totally amazes me!

Motherhood is everything and nothing that i expected.  I feel so grateful and overflowing with love for L and my hubby.  But i also feel like sometimes i have no clue what i'm doing.  I have been reading: Happiest Baby on the Block, which seems to help.  When he is fussy and won't stop crying, usually around dinnertime, i just feel so defeated.  I know this is normal and will pass, but sometimes it's just so hard.

I have been getting out of the house, running errands, which feels good and totally changes my perspective.  Last weekend i did a full grocery shop with him, which made me feel like superwoman.  I put him in my Ergo with the newborn insert, which put him right to sleep in seconds.  He loves the car, and falls asleep within minutes of getting buckled in.

I'm thankful for my husband and his relaxed nature with L.  He keeps me calm when i don't know what to do, or i'm stressing over something little.  This little boy sure does make a mama worry!

I love watching him sleep and all of the cute little expressions that cross his face.  

His spontaneous smile melts me.

His bleach blonde fuzzy hair is the cutest thing.  I hope it stays!

His neck is so strong, tummy time is adorable.

I call him my little angry bird when he is really hungry and trying to latch on, he moves his head back and forth so fast, its so cute.

When he is feeding and satisfied he makes the sweetest little noises that sound like a baby bird.

Breastfeeding is so rewarding.  I totally love it.  It's also incredibly wet, my goodness, we get soaked!

Every morning we nurse in bed and watch tv while i eat my breakfast.  I love those morning hours, snuggled up with my little guy.

I'm so grateful for an awesome breast pump, my seemingly good supply, My Brestfriend, the Boppy and my visiting nurse that totally helped us turn a corner with the latch on day five.

He loves the Boba wrap, we are usually sporting this during the dinnertime.

My parents were here for a week when Jas had to go back to work.  They will never know how much that week meant to me.  I needed the support and it was the best gift we could have recieved.

I never really understood when people said newborns smell so good.  Well now that i have my own, he smells delicious, i could just eat him up!

Yesterday on 11/14 Liam experienced his first snowfall and first trip to Franconia Notch.  We took a little after dinner drive to help him sleep.  Two hours of dark interstate driving with classical music playing put mama right to sleep as well, after a much deserved catch up talk with my love.  Thank goodness for soothing techniques.

I can't believe next week marks a month.  Every morning i wake and feel grateful we made it through another night.  Every morning i wake and feel grateful for this beautiful boy that we love so very much.

Welcoming Liam

On October 21st at 11:14pm, we welcomed Liam David into our family.  Surprising us by coming a few weeks early, this little boy stole our hearts with his first breath.

Here is the story of his birth.

On Monday 10/20, i woke and felt like something was different.  I couldn't feel him move.  After eating breakfast and drinking a lot of fluid, i still didn't feel him.  Our midwife had us come to the office at 2pm so they could do a non-stress test.  Luckily, his heart rate was consistent at the typical 145/150 bpm.  She also noticed that i was having some small contractions, that i couldn't feel.  We left the office and just felt relieved that he was still healthy and doing ok.

We went home and rested for the afternoon.  We enjoyed a nice simple dinner and headed to bed around 9pm.  I tossed and turned for an hour before going out to the couch.  At 10pm i started timing my contractions - 6-7 minutes apart.  I woke up Jas as 11pm and they were 4-5 minutes apart.  We called the midwife and headed into the hospital at 1am.  After getting checked and hooked up to the monitor, they found that i was only 1cm dilated, and my contractions were not as consistent.  We decided to go home and labor there until things picked up.  All of my contractions started in my back and then wrapped around to my belly.

We got home at 4am and labored there for seven more hours.  At 11am on 10/21, we called the midwife as my contractions were very strong and coming every 2 minutes.  The weird thing was that i was having a good 60 second contraction, followed immediately by another 60 second contraction, then a 3-4 minute break.  The midwife said that my contractions were coupling.  Every contraction that hit, Jason would have to do a hip press on my lower back.  I was having all back labor at this point.

When we got back to the hospital at noon, a nurse checked me and i was only 2cm dilated.  I was so discouraged.  I couldn't imagine the trip back home again, it hurt so much to sit in the car for the half hour it took to get there.  My midwife came in 20 minutes later and didn't realize that the nurse had checked me, so she checked me again and said i was 4 cm.  We were so surprised, as was she.  She said that we weren't going anywhere, and we were going to have a baby today! 

At that point my contractions were still strong, but i really felt like i could handle them.  Between Jason and the nurse reminding me to breathe with every contraction, i worked through them beautifully.  I felt like i was really controlling the labor.  The hard part was that because it was all back labor, my midwife believed that the baby was positioned posterior.  Meaning that his spine was up against mine.  At that point, we did a number of positions to try to get him to flip himself around.

The next several hours went by in a fast blur to me.  I remember getting very sick and vomiting everywhere multiple times.  I remember Jason's calm, steady presence supporting me physically and emotionally through every contraction.  I remember laying on blow-up inter-tubes on the bed to move the baby.  I remember bouncing on the birthing ball and spending a few hours in the tub.  I remember how completely awesome the nurses, doctor and midwife were to not suggest an epidural or pain medicine.  They kept telling me that i was totally rocking this labor and they couldn't believe i wasn't complaining about the pain at all.  I remember Jason not leaving my side for a second, until 7pm when the nurse kicked him out and made him go get something to eat.

I labored for 24 hours without any assistance from medical interventions.  At 10pm on 10/21, the doctor (midwife was off duty as of 5pm) checked me and i was still at 6cm.  They had checked me around 4pm and i was 5-6cm.  At that point i had not slept since Sunday night and pushed through intense back labor for a full day.  The doctor decided to do an ultrasound to see what the little guy was doing in there.  At that point i was falling asleep between contractions, while Jason held me.  She found out that he was not only posterior, but he was a little sideways in there as well.  My doctor was so, so sweet.  She explained to me that if he had been in the right position, i would have had him hours ago.  She kindly suggested an epidural to help our baby come.  She could tell i was exhausted and didn't have the energy anymore to get him out.  At that point, i was in tears with exhaustion and pain.  The back labor was so very intense.  I also remember feeling like i wasn't really there, an out of body experience.  I remember Jason saying how we would like to try for 20 more minutes to get him to turn, if that didn't work then we would go for the epidural.  

Before the birth, we made a 20 minute pact (the suggestion from our birth class).  Basically giving me a little time to try to push through without drugs, and to protect the husband from letting me have the epidural that i didn't want from the beginning.   

Well that pact sounded perfect before labor, but when she suggested it, and Jason said we wanted to go another 20 minutes, i not-so-kindly said "give me the f-ing drugs."  Then i got some tears in my eyes, feeling defeated.  Jason held me and told me that i was doing so well and had more strength than he thought possible.  The doctor and nurses said the same thing.  I then felt strong and couldn't wait for relief.  I was just praying that they wouldn't say c-section after all the work i put into this labor.

After 3 attempts of the IV, they pumped 3 bags of fluid into me, i was so dehydrated.  The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural around 10:30pm.  Once it was in, i felt so relaxed.  They had me lay down on my left side, as i did, i said "Thank f-ing god.  This is amazing."  (Side note - i swear like a sailor with any type of anesthesia, it's quite funny).  I felt like i fell asleep for half an hour.  But Jason said it was literally only a few minutes.  They had plans of giving me pitocin as well, to regulate my contractions.  However, minutes after the epidural was administered and i laid down, Dr. Fisk checked me and i was 8 cm!  They all smiled and said that sometimes all the mom needs is to relax a bit to help the baby turn.  She was going to hold off on the pitocin.

I remember starting to shake uncontrollably.  I opened my eyes to find my husband's worried eyes looking at the monitors, while stroking my head and holding my hand.  The room was filled with nurses and doctors.  The turned me onto my right side, put an oxygen mask on me and told me to just breathe and breathe for my baby.  Dr. Fisk was so, so gentle and calm.  She just kept reminding me that i all i had to do was breathe for my baby.  After the fact, i found out that my blood pressure had dropped and the baby's heart rate was high.  At that point i felt so much pressure.  She told me not to push, as i wasn't fully dilated yet.  She had just checked me 15 minutes ago and i was 8cm.  Jason told the doctor that he thought i was pushing.  I had no control over it, i felt like i had to push.  The nurse said to hold on while they got the doctor back in the room.  She checked me and said:  "oh, there's the head, lets have this baby!"  I had gone from 6 to 10 cm in half an hour.  

Pushing his little life into our world felt like the biggest relief.  I felt everything, which was glad about.  Jason held one leg, the nurse held the other.  I was so impressed with my doctor and nurses.  She had my birth plan right in front of her.  She told me to reach down and feel my baby's head as it was crowning.  She honored as many wishes as she could that i had on my list.  

I pushed hard and strong for 14 minutes, until she told me to reach down and lift my baby into the world.  What an absolutely amazing feeling that was.  I brought him right to my chest.  He cried loud and strong as soon as he came out.  He was here and healthy.  They put a hat on him and covered us both with warm blankets.

I looked at Jason with tears in both of our eyes, and smiled.  

I was a mama, and he was a proud, proud papa.

A Place for our Baby

We took some maternity pictures at 36 weeks.  It was a beautiful autumn day and perfect to grab a few shots to remember. 

I can't believe I'll be 38 weeks on Sunday.  In some ways it feels like i have been pregnant forever, while in others it feels like we just found out we were expecting.  We have watched seasons come and go, as my belly expanded with this new life inside.

I'm still feeling great, overall.  Sleeping is tough with the heartburn i have all day long.  Not to mention the weight on my bladder.  But i know very soon, we'll be meeting our baby.  I am so, so thankful that i have had a pretty ideal pregnancy.  Normal weight gain, no high blood pressure, etc.  We check my thyroid levels every 4 weeks, and even that had remained in balance.

We took a one-day birthing class a few weeks back.  We both found it so helpful, and I'm so glad we did it.  I feel much more prepared to tackle labor and delivery.  I've never thought of it as scary, but taking the class really helped Jason and I understand how it can all happen.  Of course, I've been reading lots of books, but it was a good day to connect and help my hubby get a taste of what's to come.  I think he'll be amazing in the birth room.

Since we took the class, i have seen a shift in him from nervous to protective (of me & the baby) and excited.  He has been so sweet and supportive, as i moan and groan my way around the house most evenings.  I'm so grateful he's my husband.  Everyday.

We've finished up the nursery, packed our hospital bags, charged the camera battery and set up a pack & play in our room.  I am ready to meet our baby, and hold him in my arms.  I'm ready to watch my husband become a father.  I'm ready for this next chapter in our lives to begin.

Here are some shots of his nursery.  I took them in the late afternoon, so it wasn't the best timing with the sun glare.

When i initially thought of my baby's nursery, i knew i never wanted a thyme, as most people do these days.  My vision was a colorful, happy room, with hand-me-downs and homemade goodness throughout.  The crib is from one of my mom's friends who is done having babies.  The dresser was a sweet Craig's list score.  The bookcase was my grandfathers.  The rocking chair was my parents.  I love re-using all of this beautiful furniture, and look forward to the memories to come.   

Some new items were a Jenny Lind dressing table (for our bedroom downstairs) amongst other baby goodies, like a Chicco Car seat & carriers / wraps.  We got a sweet BOB stroller as well.  Other baby gear was hand-me-downs from friends or gifts at our showers.  Our diaper bag is a new LL Bean tote, as i didn't really like any of the typical ones out there.  We got a Phil & Ted's lobster high chair for our baby shower - the kind that hooks on the counter.  I'm still on the fence about needing a regular one.  I don't really like most of the plastic ones out there, but i know they are probably more sensible.  I love the old fashioned Jenny Lind wooden ones.  So other than that, i mostly bought way too many clothes from Zulily.  But hey, it's my first baby, so i couldn't resist :).  

The two framed prints are note cards by Nikki McClure.  I stenciled the canvas and embroidered the smaller quote; a nursery rhyme that my dad always sang to me when i was young.

We were lucky enough to receive a ton of books from our baby showers.  Also on his shelf are books from my childhood.  He's off to a good start!  The bin in the corner is a toy basket.  I stenciled the animal prints as well.

Land of nod - flannel crib sheet & some newborn props ready :)

The quilt i started back when i found out i was pregnant.

The (huge) basket of homemade quilts and blankets we received for our showers.

Two prints from my Taproot magazine, by Phoebe Wahl.  One over his crib, one over the rocking chair.

My cloth diaper stash.  Bum-Genius AIO's and a few 4.0's.  My good friend also gave me a bunch of covers and inserts of various makes/models.  I have a few wet bags as well.  I don't think I'll do cloth full time, but just when I'm home and feel like it.  We'll see how it all goes :)

In the bathroom upstairs, various shampoo's, bath towels and washcloths.

I also have a rocking chair in the room that my parents rocked me in as a baby.  I still have to make a cover for the pad, so it's not shown here.   

We are ready and waiting for that first strong contraction to change our life and to finally begin the process of birthing our baby.