This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Adapted from Soulemama

 

Preparations for Sugaring

Its almost time to tap and boil.  Almost time to retreat back to the sugar house for days on end.  Almost time to taste that sweet, fresh sugar once again.

Every year there are lines that come down during the course of the seasons, needing repairs and replacements.  There are daily trips to the local hardware store to get supplies.  There is that yearly trip to Bascoms to sell the last of the previous year's syrup wholesale and pick up a few special tools or taps along the way.

There are walks along the lines to check for leaks (or should i say four wheeler rides if your my husband and love nothing more than a good engine!)

And always, there is expansion.  This year's expansion is huge.  When the town reconstructed Bean Hill Road this past summer, Hubs and his sugar partner, John, had the town place a pipe under the road to run our tubing through, thus allowing us to put another 200 taps on vacuum.  That will bring us up to just under 2000 taps.  Not the biggest production, but just right for us.  Hubs spent days in the woods surveying the new piece of land, getting the elevations marked and ready to hang up the new blue main line.

This is exciting stuff, i tell you.  This year i may try my hand at making maple cream or maple candies.  I just haven't had the urge to dive into them in years past.  I've read my recipes over and over.  I've heard that the temperature and humidity needs to be just right to make maple cream.  I know that to make the candies, it needs to boil to a specific temperature, if you go over, they flop. 

Ok- I'm not sure how much i know, other than i need to put the old wives tales behind me and give it a go.

Such is life.  I learn from experience.  I thrive on a challenge.

And i do so love the preparations for the season ahead.

Classics

I believe that if there was ever a book or series to read to the young, it would be these:  Little Women, Little House on the Prairie and Anne of Green Gables.

How does one instill the solid values of the past into the fast pace of today, into the right now?

When my world is going too fast, when i am feeling stressed, i find myself sitting down and read, or watch, these three classics.  Sure, there are obviously huge and giant leaps we have made for the good, and the better, but are they all really that much better?  Medicine has gained leaps and bounds on helping the sick and finding cures everyday.  Women have equal rights, homosexuals can marry their loves without hesitation, and we can raise our children with the mindset that they can conquer the world, if their hearts desire.

My point is to not look at the big, wonderful steps we have taken in the past century, but to look at what may have been pushed aside while progressing forward.  To dig in and see what values and lifestyles have been forgotten.  Oh yes, i was that women, that lady with drive to make it big in a mostly male profession.  I was going to work long, hard hours, working my way up and being as successful as i could.  Going into college i believed that if i could just make a lot of money in life, the rest would follow.  Boy was i wrong. 

I have proven to myself, and my loved ones, that i am capable and can do a terrific job.  I am a construction estimator in a very large company.  95% of my colleagues are men, they respect my decisions and drive.  I work my tail off, i make great money, i am successful and see myself moving up in the company.  There are days that i love my job.  I love the people i work with.  I love the numbers racing around in my head.  I thrive on the stress of the construction industry.   Yet recently, more days than not, i am thinking of this other lifestyle.  This place where my drive and energy is spent at home, with my love, owning a farm and raising our future children. 

As we grow, we change and evolve.  We see what is most important in life and enjoy simple pleasures.  I don't need fancy vacations or big expensive jewelry plastered all over me.  What i need is my husband by my side and our home to be a safe and happy one.  What i am finding to be a hard reality, is that a typical American household cannot make it on one income.  Our economy is not set up that way anymore, unless one spouse makes a very good salary.  My husband and I together live very comfortably.  But if i were to stay home with our kids, I'm not sure we could even make ends meat.

Yet i don't think i am one to just be home with our kids, and not do anything else.  I am in love with photography, and am currently getting a lot of exposure around our community.  I want to go forward with that, as i will, and get to the point where that will be my profession. 

For right now, i am creating this old fashioned lifestyle at home.  I am trying to leave my work at the office, and concentrate on our family, at home. 

What i do love about these classics are the strong and imaginative women that play the lead roles.  Anne is fierce with desire, intelligent and witty.  She knows to always follow her heart, and to not be easily persuaded by others.  Joe is strong and cheerful.  She pushed her way forward and made her name standout in a time when women were not writers.  And Laura, Laura is determined, inquisitive and passionate about her family and profession.  I enjoy that they all overcame in a time when women did not have equal rights.  I love that they all followed their hearts home, while always appreciating the beauty of a day, the heart and values of a family and the passion of their work.  All three, writers and dreamers. 

We were over to my husband's grandparent's for breakfast last Sunday.  One point that stuck out in our conversation was, "do not farm your children out, raise them at home, keep them close when they are young, and teach them values and love." 

Precisely.

What we'll have to learn, when we become parents, is how to do this with only one parent home part time.  I don't want my children to wake up every morning in a hurry to get out the door.  I want to let them have the time to eat a good homemade breakfast, to explore our woods and fields.  To let them have the space and time to use their imaginations to the fullest.  I want to inspire them and make sure they feel safe and loved at home.  I want them to have good values and morals.  I want to hear all of their ideas and passions. I want let them know that there is not one way or one path that they have to follow, but many. 

I want to raise my children.

When i get nervous thinking about the future, i just have to take a deep breath, and realize that we will be there for our children.  Everything will work out as it is supposed to, and we will be focused on creating these simple, special values within them. 

If they are in another person's care all day, we will bring them home, make dinner together from scratch (sometimes), bake some bread in our cook stove and finally sit down to read Little House on the Prairie, Anne of Green Gables and Little Women.  We will show them that this world has so many options and paths, but to always follow their hearts, to appreciate the beauty of a summers day, and an evening autumn walk in the fields.  We will show them that the most important things in life are to be happy, loved and safe.  We will encourage their imaginations to run wild, and to let them mature on their own clock, at their own pace. 

We will love them, and show them what love is. 

And that, i believe, is all they will need to be strong and happy. 

That, i believe, will make our lives rich.

We Drove to the Mountains

We drove to the mountains, just him and I,

Cherishing our time alone.

We drove up through the Notch and reflected on the seasons beauty.

We bumped up and down, around a bend, in that beat up old truck.

We acted as if we were dating again, enjoying eachothers company,

while acting like kids.

We crossed the state line into Vermont,

and i felt my heart explode.

We held hands and told tales from our absense of eachother,

catching up and laughing as the sun was setting.

We took in the beauty of this gorgeous place we call home. 

The colors changing from greens to oranges, reds and magnificent yellows.

We had dinner on the way home, still soaking in the mountainous views.

It was late September when we finally caught our breath.

It was Late September when our schedules finally meshed.

It was late September when we were able to reconnect.

He drove us home, in that rusty old work truck, bouncing our way down the road.

My head on his shoulder, the radio never turned on.

The sounds of my sleepy breath echoing our peace.

We drove to the mountains,

Just my husband and I.

Cherising our Love.

Tomato Sauce : : Harvest

Disclaimer: This post was started like three weeks ago, so all the writing and photos below are from that time frame!  My thyroid has been removed, i am finally on the recovery side of this and am feeling SO much better!  Thanks for all the thoughts and well wishes during this time.  I am now feeling inspired again to write some blog posts up, so stay tuned, I'm back!!!

Anyways, onto the Tomato Sauce::

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My days at home have been flowing seamlessly from one to the next, without much thought or notice.  I have been waking up early, eager to get to my reading/crafting/writing/cooking or baking.  I have been eating breakfast early, which is unusual to usual routine.  I try to stay busy all morning, have my lunch around 1pm, and then rest for a few hours before i start dinner.  It's such a wonderful schedule.  We all know, and I'm not going to preach, that Americans work too hard, too long.  We should all strive to get into the groove of working 6-7 hours a day.  It is lovely.

Yesterday i babysat our good friend's four month old for the morning, cherishing her babyhood, while i held her during her nap, instead of putting her down.  Then i went to visit my friend Jackie, who on Wednesday's watches her nieces, and brings her own little along.  So i would say it was quite the baby filled day.  For anyone that knows me well, they will know how much i adore children and babies.  It was a fun, but full day, which i am not used to right now, therefore hubs and i fell asleep around 8:00 last night. 

 I am loving these days of rest and peace.  Today I stayed home.  I dug the tomatoes out of the freezer, waiting for a day like this.  At harvest time, i simply blanched and peeled the tomatoes, so they would be ready to go when i had the time to make my sauce. 

: :  First i laid the bags on the counter to thaw out for a few hours.  I also took out a few bags of green peppers to mix in the sauce.

: :  Then i waited.  And waited. 

And

Waited some more.

Then it was dinnertime, and no sauce was to be made that day. 

*note to self: next year, take the tomatoes out of the freezer the day before you plan to cook. (ahem).

Fast forward to Saturday (two days later)

: : Once the tomatoes were properly thawed out, i began my procedure.  First i chopped up my green peppers and 2 onions.  I placed them in the pots with some minced garlic and a few tablespoons butter to saute them for a few minutes.  Once the onions were soft and almost see-through, i started to add my bags of tomatoes.

: :  This year, since i am not making the sauce with freshly picked tomatoes, i ended up just dumping the whole tomatoes right in the pot without cutting up.  They were so soft that i figured they would break apart while they simmered.

: :  Last year, i did not add tomato paste, which i should have.  Every time we used a jar of sauce over the winter, i had to add a little 5oz can of paste to thicken it up.  So this year, i used 3 cans of tomato paste, 18oz each.  I bought organic paste, to ensure this sauce would still remain without any trace of chemicals.

: :  Then came the spices:  Rosemary, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, salt and sugar.  I really just put in the amounts that i thought were right, so i don't have exact measurements here.

: :  Once i mixed the paste in, i brought the pots to a boil, stirring consistently.  When they began to thicken up, i put the burners on low, and let simmer for 3.5 to 4 hours.

: :  The last step, before putting my jars in the pressure canner, is to add a dash of lemon juice.  It is my understanding that homegrown tomatoes are high enough in their acid content, but i add in a bit of lemon juice, just to be sure.

My Yields:  

5 Gallon Sized bags of peeled garden tomatoes

2 quart sized bags of sliced green peppers

2 large onions

3 18 oz. cans of Tomato Paste

Seasonings

= 1 Quart, 15 pints and 1 pint not quite full to the top!

Now I'll see how long this sauce lasts, and edit next year to make sure i bag enough tomatoes during harvest season.  I must say that i really enjoyed making the sauce a few months after the rush of the canning had been done.  The tomatoes, that i didn't chop at all, came apart beautifully as they cooked down.  We used our first jar of sauce on a homemade pizza one night, and a pasta dish the next.  It was just the right consistency, which made all the difference! 

Now looking forward to tasting this delicious sauce all winter long.

Plans and Our Path

What is normal?  How does one define it?  I suppose some define it as everything going as planned, smooth sailing, secure, happy and you fit in with the Jone's (who the hell are the Jone's??).  Maybe that is idealistic.  Or maybe normal is, in fact, your life.  Strings that tie one experience to the next exciting thrill, with a low point mixed in.   As adults, we know that life is not all good times.  We know that hardships happen, and loved ones get sick.  We know that as much as we can pray and wish and hope and dream that things will be smooth, there will always come a time when you're riding that sled down the hill, laughing and knowing everything is perfect....and bam....... you just hit that f***ing tree.

My tree was big and tall and strong.  My tree took me by my arms and shook me around a bit. 

I was hesitant on sharing this story here, but i have to.  This is now a part of me, so i have to be able to express my thoughts going forward.  I was admitted to the Hospital on October 16th.  In the early morning hours, i was experiencing shortness of breath and nausea.  I was shaking all over.  My husband got me dressed and brought me to the ER.  They checked me right in (luckily the waiting room was vacant), and within minutes i had all sorts of wires and a EKG machine hooked up to me.  The doctors and nurses calmly chatted with me, while they rushed around, trying to pretend things weren't serious.  

I remember my husband being more worried than i have ever seen him.  I remember him asking all of the right questions, while i joked around trying to get the nurses to give me a drink of water, i was so damn thirsty.  I remember them putting defibrillator pads on my chest and back, and seeing my husband sit calmly, but more aware.  I remember them putting medicine into my iv that made my heart stop, my body clench, my throat tighten, and my breath nonexistent.  It lasted three seconds, and they put that medicine in me three times.  I remember crying from fright and the feeling like horse kicked me in the chest.  I remember the Kleenex box Jason had, and how he wiped my tears. 

I remember the doctor saying that the medicine didn't work, to slow my heart down.  I was still beating at 170 BPM.  A young nurse came in and drew some blood.  The doctor asked if i was pregnant.  Jason  said we were not sure, but i could be, we hadn't taken a test yet.  We were trying to have a baby.  The doctor nodded and walked away. 

We had to wait ten minutes for the cardiologist to come and look at my heart monitor, Jason stepped out of the room to call my parents and our work.  All i could think about was how thirsty i was and nobody was helping me out with any water!  Jason said i was funny in the ER, like i didn't really get how severe this was.  I was probably out of it, with my heart racing a marathon and all.

So the cardiologist came in, examined my monitor reports, and said that my heart is not the problem, and is perfectly healthy.  Thank god!!  At that point, my first doctor came back in and said the blood tests relieved that i had hyperthyroidism.  And i had a severe case of it.  On his way out, he turned around and said:

Doctor:  Oh, and you're not pregnant.  (quickly rushes out)

Me:  Well thank god!  Who knows what drugs they have been pumping through me!

Hubs:  Huni-  look at all these machines hooked up to you!  Look at you're heart going nuts!  Thank god they took those defibrillator pads off.  I'm so glad those are gone.  phew.  I'm going to call you're parents again.

Me:  I'm really, really thirsty.  I'm sad we're not pregnant.

Hubs: Huni, you just said you were happy we weren't! 

And so it went.

I spent the night in the hospital with hubs by my side, while they monitored my heart and got the rate down to 110 when i was discharged the next day.  Over the next few days, i met with the endocrinology specialist, in which case he determined that i have Grave's Disease, which is caused by my hyperthyroid.  There are three ways to get the thyroid under control, but he suggested in my case, to have surgery and remove the whole thyroid.

Super.

I am home until the surgery and i recover, choking down 15 pills a day.  After talking over all of our options, this seemed like the safest way for us to still have a family, and for my long term health.  Once the thyroid is removed, i will just take one hormone pill a day, for the rest of my life.

It seems like once the thyroid is out, it will be one of those diseases that i forget i have.  It will not be apparent and will not interrupt my life, our life.  The dotor told me that it is the type of disease you will die with and not from.  Which is a neat way of thinking about it. 

And really, so, so many people have a thyroid problem, and they are living happy, normal lives. 

My new normal is pretty damn close to my old normal.  I know for sure I'm not pregnant (and can't be until they adjust my hormone pills after the surgery), so i can have a glass of pinot noir with dinner and a pumpkin beer on the weekends.  Right now, i can't let my heart rate get too high, so my love takes me on drives and we sight-see.  Or we goes on four wheeler rides, so i can get out into the woods. 

I am feeling lighthearted to the fact that we just missed the danger of Sandy.  My heart goes out to those whose home was flooded, and life flipped upside down.  I still have a roof over my head, a warm stove heating the house and fresh food on the table.  We are so lucky.

Right now i am enjoying having the time to take an afternoon nap, and to bake some fresh bread for the week ahead.  I am realizing that you can't take even one day for granted, and that this life really is pretty awesome.

I am reflecting and feeling grateful that we did not get pregnant, so that i can get my body back to normal before i have a life inside me.  I am imagining giving birth in a different season that we had planned out just right, and falling in love with a new journey, a new idea.

We are watching fall become winter and enjoying using our cookstove once again.

And finally, i am helping hubs chop down that tree, to fuel our fire. 

I am alive, I am well and I am happy.

All is right in in our world.